Love

   I’ve been with my man for about 2 years 5 months now and shit’s getting real! Before him, my longest relationship averaged about 4 months so this is serious for me, lol. On top of that, we’ve been living together for about 1 and a half years and it’s been a very intimate experience with him. Well, he recently expressed that he wants to live separately again. I am sad about this because it feels like we are taking a step backward and I am having separation anxiety. I’m trying my hardest not to act weak and be a baby about it. However, I am feeling down about it on the inside. He treats me VERY well but he is not perfect. He has been nagging me about contributing more financially and cooking for him on a more consistent basis. I am a little thrown off because I do a lot for him and support him as much as a good girlfriend can, but I am hesitant to give so much more of myself because we are not yet married. I feel like if he wants more, he should propose.

   I have been hurt so much in my previous relationships and this is the absolute furthest I’ve gone with a guy. I wouldn’t say I’m ready to get married right now but it’s definitely in my future. I want to be his wife. Since I’m younger than him and I’m still in my mid-20s, I feel like I don’t need to rush anything. I have time to get my shit more together, but he’s in his early 30s so it’s different for hblack-couple11im. But I’ve gotten quite attached to him so it’s hard to take this step and go ahead and move out. I am concerned because I don’t know how this is going to affect our future together. I don’t know if I will view him differently or vice versa, good or bad.

  In the beginning, he was so excited to live together. He was the one who asked me to move in and I was kind of hesitant then, but I took my time and made sure it was a good move. It’s turned out great so far. We eventually looked at houses because he was so sure about our future together at the time. Now, he’s talking about needing time alone for himself to get his business/career to where he wants it to be. Maybe we were both in over our heads in the beginning, but the way we fell in love was so natural and wonderful. It wasn’t forced, it was organic, genuine, and we got along great – still do. Our communication is A1, I love his family, we compliment each other, the sex is amazing, he’s handsome, tall, a boss, everything I’ve ever wanted in a man. *SIGH* I’m trying my best to just stay supportive and take this as a positive. He’s going to support me with the whole moving process and he’s not rushing me out.

   I feel like I would low-key enjoy having my own space and alone time again. Also, I would love to actually date him again, not just see him everyday because we live together. So I think maybe we are a little early in the whole engagement/wedding process right now. We are both in the middle of establishing ourselves professionally and doing well. I’m not dying to be married right now and I’m not dying to have a kid anytime soon. I guess I just wanted that natural progression to keep going. Meaning, we would be engaged within the next year or two. Then, married about a year after that. But maybe I’m tripping. We’re going to continue dating. That natural progression could very well keep going. I’m just a little fucked in the head right now because the thought of living separately doesn’t feel like progression. Reality is setting in and I’m not where I wanna be in my career right now either. So this could be a good move for me to just continue to go hard and focus on my professional life so that 3 years from now I really am ready for engagement/marriage.

   It’s also hard when everyone’s asking about engagement and wondering what’s going on with us. I’ve kept pretty mum about it so far but we definitely love each other. Overall, I don’t want to rush us into anything. I’m thinking slow and steady will win the race. We’ll see though. Keep me in your prayers…

-Vashé

 

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