Let me just start by saying I’m a work in progress and I’m still not done even though I’ve completed quite a bit of work on myself so far. I realized a few days ago that I’ve been telling myself many negative things. So I did a little exercise and wrote them all down on paper. I was shocked to find out how many things I was repeating in my head about myself that were negative or simply untrue.. like why? I know I’m amazing, talented, dedicated, hard-working, fit and in shape, intelligent, funny, genuine, and an all-around awesome person. So why do I tell myself things like “I’m so fat, I’m gaining weight” when I know that’s not true??! I’ve always been fit and athletic sooo… why do I lie to myself. The devil is a liar because that’s not who I am nor am I an unhappy or negative person. I’ve come so far since my middle school and high school days of low-self esteem & insecurities so what’s the deal? I had to really think about this because it’s so ridiculous.
My boyfriend told me he can tell when I get down on myself. I don’t have to tell him what’s going on in my mind because he can see it all over my face. I had to do a double take like “wait a minute I aint going back to being unconfident and insecure. Uh uh I’m so much better than that.” So I’ve been working on saying more positive affirmations to myself verbally & nonverbally. And whoa! What a difference! I had another audition today and just staying in a positive mindset helped me act better, feel better, and walk in with great energy off top. Here’s some backstory.
Last night I went to a world premiere for a TV show that’s coming out soon and I had many expectations for the evening. Early yesterday, I was already tired from a long day of auditions and very little sleep. I took a nap and set an alarm to get up to get ready for the premiere. As soon as I woke up, I get a text from my girlfriend (whom I invited to the premiere) that she was having a family emergency and had to cancel last minute. So already my plans were going south but I asked my boyfriend immediately if he wanted to go. He originally couldn’t go because he had a previous engagement, but it was cancelled last minute too. So we go to the premiere together and barely arrive on time. We were rushed to our seats so I didn’t get to network like I wanted (or needed) to nor did I get to take any pictures with other actors.
At that point, I was so frustrated and upset that I couldn’t completely focus on the show once it started. I kept thinking to myself that I didn’t get what I wanted and I should’ve taken the opportunity when I had it, all types of negative things. Finally, I decided to enjoy myself and I started to relax. I thought to myself that it wasn’t good to try to talk to people in a frustrated, rushed, or high-strung mood anyway. No one wants to be around that energy, including me. So I had to check myself.
After the show, we all received gift bags, and I ended up running into many people I knew. I ran into a young lady I went to college with who actually helped put on the event and we exchanged numbers. Soon after, my boyfriend and I left and he could tell I was still upset. He kept asking me “what’s wrong?” and slowly but surely all of my thoughts trickled out. He calmed me down and said I had so much to be grateful for. I said, “yeah I guess I made one of the more important connections meeting that lady who actually does the PR for these events because she can invite me to more of them.” He said, “exactly.”
The next morning, I had to take my boo to the airport for a business trip. I woke up super early, we ate breakfast, and I drove him to LAX. When I got home, I set another alarm and passed out. When the alarm went off an hour later, I turned it off. Here’s the unusual part: I usually create multiple alarms because I’m notorious for pressing snooze more than once, but this time I only created one alarm. Needless to say, I overslept and woke up 7 minutes before I was supposed to be at my audition! I rushed to get up, shower, get dressed, and put on some makeup. I was already late to my audition.
Now if I had stayed in my negative thought phase, I would’ve ripped myself from the inside out about being late. I also probably would’ve showed up to the commercial casting office in a bad mood, feeling insecure, and could’ve had a low energy/unconfident audition as a result. But no! I persevered! I told myself “it is what it is.” I was an hour late and there was nothing I could do about it except show up in a great mood, energized, and prepared. And that’s exactly what I did. My audition felt great too and I left feeling more than proud of myself. I had a great day due to the fact that I stayed positive and shook off all negativity. I still feel great!
So here’s the lesson folks: I know people say all the time to stay positive and block out all negativity. I also know first hand that it can be a lot harder to actually do that. It takes immense focus and a literal changing of your mind to achieve it. However, it’s so worth it! Keep doing positive affirmations! I also feel like it’s not enough to just be prayed up, dedicated, and smile through everything. You have to constantly work on your mindset and keep it actively positive. And believing those positive things as well.
So the next time you’re thinking “I can’t afford a vacation” or “I’m not good enough to get this job” immediately change your thinking to “I can definitely afford a vacation!” and “I am absolutely qualified for this job & this company would love to have me!” Even if you don’t believe it in the moment, telling yourself those positive things have a sudden affect on your mood. You’re communicating to yourself encouraging affirmations that make those things real in your body language, your mind, and in your spirit! I did that for the whole day today and I feel uplifted. A lot of times we get in our own way. So check yourself and decide to have a wonderful day everyday. Believe in yourself!
Ok, I have another audition in the morning so I’m going to bed. Good night peeps!