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Wow this was the best performance at the BET Awards imo! I felt the vibes and strong talent the whole time. See H.E.R. for yourself!
I’m really disappointed in what dating has become for my generation. So many people just seem to be confused… Confused about what they want, who they are, what they like, who’s good or bad for them, or just plain old sick & tired of love so they resort to complete selfishness. It’s not fair. Sometimes I wish we could go back to simpler times when being gentlemanly was the norm and women were respected more. When marriages were more official and people tied the knot young. But I understand that old fashioned formula for relationships and marriage has not worked for everybody long term. Are we even meant to be with just one person for eternity?? So many questions…
But today I wanna talk specifically about this Madonna | Whore Complex many men suffer with psychologically. I’ve learned that men today will see a girl as either a Madonna – a woman they respect, have to work hard to get, put on a pedestal, deem worthy to marry, and aren’t sexually aroused by – or a Whore – the girl they just have sex with, treat badly, won’t marry or be with in a serious relationship, and are very aroused by. It’s either one or the other and there isn’t much grey area here. This is a real thing. This frustrates me because I just think about all the sexless marriages that come out of this ideology. And this means that the “Whore” gets all the exciting sex and pleasurable experiences with men. Why does it have to be so cut and dry, black and white? Two completely polar opposite extremes? Seems to be very limiting and unrealistic in my opinion.
To be honest, I want a relationship with respect, honor, trust, a great connection, AND good sex. I want it all and I’m prepared to give that as well. Is that too much to ask? Women are so repressed, it’s sad. However, women are more liberated by today’s standards, but there still seems to be the stigma. If a girl even takes a picture looking somewhat slutty, people run with that observation. Even if she’s not really having sex or hooking up with anyone, this negative label is slapped on her just for how she’s carrying herself. But if a guy is photographed shirtless with a few girls on him, he’s the man! To take that even further, if a woman is seen with a longer skirt, not talking/hanging out with every guy, and keeping her demeanor modest, she’s automatically judged as a good girl, classy, and worth more than the slutty-looking girl. It’s really unfair how women are confined to 2 categories like that. This is just what I’ve observed.
I come from a very conservative background being from The South (USA) but I now live in Los Angeles. It’s extremely different here and there are definitely more liberal/open-minded people in general. So I’ve seen both sides. I’ve seen girls in LA dress in tight shorts and a tank top in 50 degree weather comfortable and no one bats an eye. But back home, if I wear that same outfit, I’m dressing too sexy and provocative. The dichotomy is astonishing. Then, this Madonna | Whore Complex (which is new to me) comes into play when men start to analyze these women. I just hate how women are judged so harshly and men are allowed to live more free without worrying about negative labels. I think women should be able to be who they are without being categorized so rigorously. Because you never know, that girl who’s acting prude and like a good girl may actually be a liar and trickster. And that girl who’s dressed in a tighter outfit and showing more skin may be a really good woman who’s just confident in herself. It’s the person’s character you should be observing – not putting automatic labels on someone and judging the book by its cover so harshly.
Be mindful. Be aware. It’s our psychology that influences so much of what we say and do. What really matters is finding peace and being happy. These labels are fleeting, toxic, and can misguide you.