My mentality about dating has changed drastically since my last long term relationship. I am dating for marriage now. The process for me when dating for long term marriage is completely different than dating just to obtain a boyfriend. I need to know E-VER-Y-THANG! I no longer go out just to be wined & dined. Been there done that. I now date with strong intention: to get to know the guy. It’s easy for me to get a boyfriend because many nice men are interested in me. But many guys wanna waste my time, try to control me, get in my head, play games, toy with my emotions, and monopolize my resources. It’s not a game for me anymore. I’m not here to just be looked at or get expensive meals payed for. I need a husband. I need a partner. A man whom I’m gonna be excited to spend time with. A man who has his faith aligned. Someone with substance who knows exactly where he’s going with his life. It’s deeper than expensive bottles of wine, walks on the beach, shopping sprees, and roses. Any guy with the money who knows women love that shit can execute those types of things. But once the romance dissipates, the looks start to fade, the bellies get rounder, and the candlelight goes out, you’re stuck with the person’s character and mind [Hence another reason why I named this blog Mental Luxury]. So I’m dating to collect data. Who are you? What matters most to you? What’s your vision for your life? I don’t need candlelit dinners with bottles of champagne to get to know you (even though those things are nice). As I’ve grown older, I realize that finding a man of God is so immensely important to me. A man of principles. Now once I see that the guy is amazing and a great fit for me, we can do all the romance afterwards. And no sex before monogamy. So many men lie about who they are and what they’re about and will put on a strong front for months to get what they want from a woman. Therefore, I wouldn’t date any other way than this. I am able to rip the mask off men (and people in general really) by asking the right questions and paying VERY close attention. That is how I can tell the real from the fake. The weak from the strong. The mentally and emotionally stable from the insane, lol. God I love dating this way. I don’t waste much time at all! Thank you God for showing me the way. Amen.
Go see it if you haven’t already!!
This movie was nothing short of amazing. Words cannot explain how much respect I have for Denzel Washington and Viola Davis. They both won Tony Awards for their Broadway revival of the play in 2010 after delivering 88 performances. Both actors have been dedicated to the craft for most of their lives: a level of dedication I can only hope to be able to live up to and be fortunate enough to have a career as long as them. After 88 stage performances, an unknown amount of rehearsals & preparation for both stage and screen, and multiple takes for the camera, I just knew this movie was going to be a masterpiece! Denzel directed and produced the film. Another great August Wilson play produced for the screen to live on forever. Loved, loved, looooved it! Now I’m hearing Denzel is bringing a whole string of stage plays adapted for the camera to theaters. I’ll be on time for that!
Warning: There are some really funny moments from Denzel’s performance! Inside joke: Blast a hole into forever hahahaaa!
I’m obsessed with Detroit producer J-Dilla’s discography. Just pick a track with your eyes closed and it’s most likely a classic. He was amazingly talented, had that old school hip hop feel to his records but still original and more of a “feel good” sound. Some of my favorite tracks of his are Look of Love (also the Remix), Reunion, Won’t Do, Players, and Climax. I could probably name 10 more but I’ll save it for later. Here’s a little gem I discovered the other day:
RIP Jay Dee
2016 was a very emotional year for me. I lost a little, gained a lot, and sacrificed a great deal. It was a year of many lessons, but a good year nonetheless. I lost my long term relationship (which I thought I was going to be in forever). I gained a newfound confidence, an amazing apartment & lifestyle, strength I didn’t know I had, and learned a ton more about myself. I lost fake friends, gained back friends whom really support me, and still struggle to this day with me and my mother’s relationship. There were so many changes, but I have never been afraid of change. I know change is needed in order to grow. I got very busy in my career, worked some good gigs, and became extremely focused on my life goals. 2016 was a year of clarity for me.
I prayed to God for clarity after my relationship ended and concluded that I was with an abusive toxic person who didn’t truly love me. How could I have been so blind? I trusted and loved openheartedly and my greatest fear became true. In the end, however, I gained a lot of knowledge of self from that situation and I am grateful for that. I have never been so sure about who I am.
I continue to struggle with my relationship with my mother because she is not very supportive of my decision to be a serious actor and study my craft. I am crying as I write this because I have been dealing wth this issue for at least 10 years. It hurts so badly that she is not my biggest fan or supporter and she does not understand that. I love her so much and she has sacrificed abundantly for me to be successful while my dad has been virtually absent. So it troubles me that she does not fully show her pride about me, to me. It is a huge self-esteem killer. It’s weird because when she sees me on TV she’ll be my biggest cheerleader for that season, but after a few months she’s pressuring me again to go back to school and choose a more practical life route. I understand her concerns honestly but I am truly happy when I am doing the work I’m passionate about. I refuse to break and go down a path that does not make me happy. I refuse to be anything but myself.
My ex tried to change me as well. He basically wanted me to quit acting and get a more traditional job. I tried to compromise by just working a lot harder to expedite my career results and it worked! At least for me. I made a little more money, booked so much more work, commercials, film, and tv jobs as a result from that pressure. I took it as motivation. However, it just didn’t suffice for him. He gave up on me and I cut him off completely after feeling utterly depleted from the criticism.
Alas I persevered! I bought a new car, signed a new lease to an amazing apartment, and paid down a lot of debt with my own credit and ambition. Throughout it all, I realized that few will truly love me unconditionally and fully understand me. I just ask that everybody respect my life goals, the desires in my heart, and let me deal with my own decisions. I think at the end of the day, I make great decisions based on what I truly want for my life.
I am not the typical pretty Black girl from Texas. I am not a pageant queen. I am not a law student. I am not pre-med. I am not a follower. I am not a hoe. I am not a baby mama. I am not the typical LA girl. I have my own identity. I am very proud of who I am. At the end of the day, I love myself! I have a heap of confidence. I know what I want. I’m doing it differently. I am not worried. I have God in my life and in my corner, always have. I have had a strong relationship with my creator for 10 years (don’t ask questions just know this). I have faith in myself. My faith is unbreakeable. So why is everyone so bothered? Do me a favor and love me or leave me the phuck alone. Let me do me.
If my confidence, talent, and intelligence makes you uncomfortable, I do not apologize. Get used to it because guess what? I’ma only get better with time. I’ma keep doing me. I will not change. I am a triple Lion: Leo. LMU Lion. I have a Lion’s mane. I am a Black Queen. And no matter what I go through, I will not become bitter. I will not become jaded. I will not be ungrateful of my blessings. I will always be proud to be Etalvia.
Don’t go please! 😥 #ForeverMyPOTUS
The mood was tense but cold. Calm but attentive. He hadn’t seen her in 5 months and kept calling her by phone out of curiosity. She finally decided to pick up. She wanted to know where his head was at and why he was calling. He was an hour late trying to play it cool. Boy this guy was a piece of work.
Wendy: “Is there a reason why you’re late?”
Aaron: “Yeah, traffic! And I didn’t know I had to be exact.”
She sighs in annoyance. There is a silence.
Aaron: “I made you a stuffed tomato with all organic vegetables and ground turkey.”
Wendy: “Thanks,” she says swiftly. She takes the dish and puts it on a plate. Walks around to the couch, sits, and prepares to eat the small dish. There is another pause of uncertainty.
Aaron: “So, what do you wanna know?”
Wendy has bitten into the tomato dish. While she clears her palette, “I wanna know what’s on your mind.”
He looks around unsure and nervous. He continues, “How candid do you want me to be?”
Wendy: “You gotta start somewhere.”
*Long tense pause* Aaron is thinking… But finally…
Aaron: “I just want to say, I apologize for you being in pain and me being the cause of that pain. I also appreciate things about you now that I probably didn’t appreciate in the past… I’ll just leave it at that.”
Wendy: “Well, that’s good to hear,” she says with a positive tone as she finishes a bite. She is pleased to hear this from him but keeps a poker face. |