Yeah, I said it. What do you expect? I’ve been disappointed by every single one in the end. My 3 year relationship just ended and I realized he wasn’t what he represented himself to be. Of course, he started out as prince charming and swept me off of my feet. He used to buy me flowers and treat me like a Queen. But the last year was outlined with emotional and psychological abuse.
Before I met him my die hard motto was “fuck niggas” and when he came into my life he tried to convince me he was different. One of my close college friends told me about him, her family friend, numerous times and I always blew it off. He chased me for 2 years prior to meeting him. It was one last sit down with my college friend that convinced me to give him a chance. I finally buckled and told her to give him my number. He called and we went to lunch. He was great in the beginning but very needy. I felt he was too clingy at times and it freaked me out. I would ignore him for weeks at a time. But I spoke out about it with friends and my room mate and decided to give him a chance. Mistake? or Life lesson?
We went out once a week for a few months. After about 5 months, he asked me to be exclusive with him. I was depressed and disappointed with my love life at the time so I said yes and gave him a chance. Mind you, before we became a couple, I went on a date with a different guy every other day and hated them all. So when he asked me to be his girlfriend and I actually began to care for him at that point, I said yes. I waited to have sex with him and everything. One month after being together, I gave him the cookie. It was great, we were on cloud 9. Then, he asked me to move in with him. I probably should’ve taken that as a red flag because he was moving too fast but for some reason it made me happy. I took it as him knowing what he wanted and being sure about us. After all, he did chase me for so long.
I slowed him down as much as I could. I waited another 8 months until agreeing to move in with him. It was over a year of dating and he had some flaws, but I accepted him because I was in love by then. He also assured me he wanted to marry me and I was who he was going to be with regardless. He started to push for us to look at houses together. I should’ve taken that as a red flag but I just slowed him down and stayed with him instead. He started to get controlling at that point and pushing me to choose seeing properties over finishing my workload. Red flag. Eventually, he stopped and we pulled out of the real estate market. But he still tried to control me. He wanted us to have a joint google calendar, he tried to put me on his cell phone plan, wanted me to pay half the mortgage if we were to get a house (not married). All red flags.
Then, we decided I’d move in with him at his family’s condo. We lived there for a year and it was cool. I added some of my own personal style to the place and made it feel anew. But I saw that his mom was living there when she came into town. Sometimes she’d be there for a whole month or two at a time and that got awkward for me really fast. Red flag because he had been living with her for roughly 10 years (even though she went out of town most of the time to be with her husband) and he was 30 years old by then!
Around the 2 year mark, he starts acting differently. He throws tantrums consistently, he gets mad about really really small things, and he presents me with a list of things he wants me to do for him in order to keep the relationship going. Cooking more, cleaning more, contributing more financially, making the bed up, etc. I should’ve taken this as a hard red flag and basically a stupid ultimatum but I stayed (as uncomfortable as it was on the inside) and kept trying.
Then, his family became way more involved. His parents had jumped on a newly available property and bought it (about 10 minutes away from the condo). And I was FORCED to move out and into this new duplex that was a total rehab piece of shit. But it ended up being more space and with my eye for interior design, I helped spruce it up A LOT! That move was very stressful because I felt I wasn’t apart of the decision making process and was just a pawn in the whole experience. He didn’t ask me my opinion about anything until the deal was done and he needed me to design the place into a better look. The mom showed some concern but him and his father didn’t care.
So his mom ended up living downstairs and we upstairs. The upstairs (my project) looked SO good compared to the downstairs (his mom’s taste). We had a good month or two in that place and then he starts talking about breaking up. He would do something really strange, complain about small things, and throw tantrums, then act normal the next day and do something nice for me. Red flag. Then, we didn’t go out as much anymore. His mom was sleeping directly under us in her unit so it was kind of uncomfortable having sex with him often. I knew she could hear everything!
I had expressed many many times that I wanted to get engaged but he hadn’t proposed. He kept saying it would be a surprise but by this time, I didn’t feel comfortable playing wife anymore. He kept pushing for more. He wanted me to get a 9 to 5 with a certain salary level (yes, he demanded a salary level for me) and contribute more so he could get an office for his business. I tried to balance everything, cooked for him average twice a week, bought food for cheat day more, cleaned more often, kept it sexy in the bedroom, and looked for opportunities. Still no commitment. And don’t even get me started about his father. UGH. His father was an asshole and just really unpleasant to be around. RED FLAG.
By this point, I had to beg my ex to take me somewhere for our 2nd ANNIVERSARY because he claimed he didn’t have time to go out for our 1st anniversary. Red flag. But I continued to work hard on the relationship and balance everything out. For that last year, I felt I was walking on eggshells around him because he always had something to bitch about. He was never fully satisfied. Even when he wasn’t saying something, I could tell what he was thinking and when he wanted to complain. At this point in the relationship, I was doing WAY more for him and us than in the beginning and I actually improved a lot on that list he gave me lol (he agreed on this @ the end of the relationship too). He, on the other hand, wasn’t taking me out as much, being selfish, not getting me flowers anymore, not being the person I fell in love with basically.
Around holiday time, he shows me a list of things he observed I didn’t do around the house (a list that wasn’t meant for me to see but he showed me anyway). This was a major DEAL BREAKER. He had logged in an email petty things I did or didn’t do around the house for about 3 months. Like “she didn’t wash the dishes today” and “she waited 3 days to put her clothes away from her trip” and “she didn’t make the bed up after she got up” or “she finally washed the clothes in the hamper.” Fucking psychopath type shit. Mind you, THE HOUSE WAS NEVER A MESS! I hired a maid a few times just to accommodate him and he still did not appreciate it. But I still decided to spend the Christmas break with him to see if we’d be compatible. To be honest, I was done in my heart. I was over it but still trying for some reason. I guess because my heart is so big and I loved him. I learned that I don’t give up easily, esp on people I love.
So he starts talking about me moving out. I was over it but kept balancing things to keep the peace but really working my ass off to save money and move out. He got more and more emotionally abusive: criticizing me on what I did on my down time, me looking at instagram too much, not cooking for him exactly when he wanted me too, not reading his mind, not watching the news (wtf), not having best friends (??), petty petty shit. He was insulting me and speaking to me with a condescending tone all the time. He came home drunk a lot and acting crazy, trying to throw me around and have sex with me real sloppy. I was done. Didn’t want to be around him anymore. Especially no real commitment there. Yeah, I was not attracted to him as a person any longer. But I always remained faithful.
So that was around the time I went to Miami and I posted about it on here. When I got back from my trip, he broke up with me and said he wanted to be single. 2 weeks later, I moved out. Fuck that. I know I was a great girlfriend and I treated him well so I think he was just looking for the tiniest things to judge me for cause he couldn’t find any REAL issues with us and he wasn’t ready to get married. I realized the real issue was HIM. He was an asshole and was turning into his asshole father. But then he kept acting like we were still together, asking to take me out, trying to kiss me, calling me baby, kept trying to sleep with me, kept saying we might get back together, wanted to keep me around while he dated other girls, and telling me I wasn’t done with him. WHAT? NIGGA, BYE. He would react childishly and negatively to my boundaries and then come back the next day acting respectful. He was acting mad clingy and seemed confused about what he wanted. Almost like the break up wasn’t really what he wanted (I think his father and jealous friends got in his head). After I moved all of my things out, got my way, kept the drama to a minimum, I said ENOUGH and cut his ass off. Of course he was mad. He’s a crazy narcissistic psychopath and I’m so glad I didn’t get trapped into a marriage with him or even worse had a baby with him. It’s been about 2 months since the break up and official move out and I still don’t know which personality was the real him. UGH, men suck.
After all is said and done, my college friend and her family are on my side. They have expressed their disappointment in him and say I deserve so much better. I have learned that it takes a certain type of man with faith in God, strong character, security within himself, and emotional maturity to be with me. I deserve God’s best and I will not settle for crumbs from a little mama’s boy ever again! I know that I will treat my future husband amazingly well, but I want to be with the right man who deserves it. Where are the sane, normal, secure, mature, and good looking men hiding at? I’m losing hope, lol.